


My Only Sunshine

by JestersLabyrinth



Category: Voltron: Defender of the Universe (1984), Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Canon Compliant, Grief/Mourning, Hope, Love, M/M, Season 7 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-29
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-08-09 16:05:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16453019
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JestersLabyrinth/pseuds/JestersLabyrinth
Summary: The one fated to die- lives, and the one who was supposed to survive has passed on. But, what of the time between when the outcome was uncertain, and love still thrived on hope? Shiro learns of Adams heroic passing, and Adam realizes Shiro might actually return. A story about the interim, where hope can lead to understanding and reconciliation beyond what death can stay.





	1. Where is My Love

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Definitely don’t own Voltron..AND THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM SEASON 7. Consider yourself warned. 
> 
> Note: I needed to get my feelings out. I had just finished An Echo in the Bone by Diana Gabaldon as part of her Outlander series which had some heavy material and then went to watch season 7 of Voltron. This was a bit of a mistake, and they have now left me with a considerable amount of feelings which dumps me in an oddly ironic position of unyielding creativity. So, here I am, and hopefully it is not too horrible and it might resonate with someone else too. In any case, I hope you enjoy the read.

“Iverson! Might I have a word?” Shiro called. He had tactfully waited until he’d had a spare moment with no one around or nothing so immediately pressing that he couldn’t (for a short time at least) afford to spare a thought for himself. 

 

Commander Iverson turned with his brow raised and his hands behind his back. Usual Iverson, but there was a sudden stiffness in the shoulders when he realized it was Shiro, by himself. Shiro felt his chest tighten as it usually did when something difficult arose and his throat went dry as a fire place. And there was no mistaking- this might just be one of the most difficult things he’d ever have to do. This was something he wasn’t sure he even wanted Keith around for- no telling how he’d take confirmation of what he already suspected, let alone Keith. It was something he needed to know, and judging by the state of things he figured his grim pre-sentiment was rightfully placed.  

 

“Yes, what is it?” He answered gruffly. Shiro could tell plainly that what he was about to ask might not actually catch the man off guard and for a second he bit back the request. It was selfish to ask in the first place, at least right now with everything going on. But he did have to know. It was only a momentary pause, as he steeled himself for the answer. Takashi Shirogane wanted nothing more than to hold the last seconds before it became irreversible. But that- well that was unfair to Adam, and he’d already been unfair to begin with. 

 

“Adam.” 

 

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t surprised that had come out evenly and cool. 

 

Now, he didn’t exactly expect Adam would come running the moment he returned, they’d fought before he left after all and Adam was also a prized member of the Garrison in every way which included excelling and putting the whole before himself. Yet, after just a couple of hours of being back, Shiro had seen almost every face there at least three times by now, their numbers being so depleted. Their return hadn’t been long enough for him to check out the apartment quite yet, but he was sure it too would be empty. There was no way Adam would have avoided him this long under the circumstances, and the state of war meant that Adam wouldn’t be anywhere else but here. Shiro had felt the sinking feeling the moment they had entered the Garrisons shield wall. Of course Adam would have fought in the first wave as a top pilot and of course, Adam would have fought till the end. While he wasn’t half as reckless as Shiro was himself, he was a soldier. It was time to face the truth. No matter what, he had to know. 

 

“Where is he?” 

 

“I was wondering when you’d ask.” Now it was Shiro’s turn to be shocked, and his eyes raised a bit, but did not waver. Neither did Iverson’s and Shiro recognized the resolute look of a trained commander - one used to informing others about death, and one used to being calm in all situations, showing nothing. Shiro felt his heart plummet, plopping down into an abyss like an innocent pebble into a stream. The ripples pulsed into his system and brought that same calm - though from impending numbness or training, he couldn’t be sure just yet. There simply was no preparing for something like this.

 

The captain saw the flicker of pain on Shiro’s face and felt a small wrench in his own chest. He’d been one of the first to know about them, possibly even before either boy really knew. He’d watched them go from classmates, to friends, and it was he who had chosen them to be partners. He remembered it vividly- one great on piloting skills, but horrible with the limitations of the tech and the other a decent pilot but so clever and crafty with the technology as to make him phenomenal. Together they’d been unstoppable. Together, they’d thrived.  Honestly he’d been dreading this. Rarely did you see two skilled pilots more instantly adept at flying, or more instantly attracted to each other. He’d have never wished this news to either of them. He had hated giving it to Adam. 

 

Adam, oddly enough, had had the same look on his face. A resolute face determined to take the news like a wall defends a castle, unmoving. If Iverson had to take a guess, he was sure Adam had probably caught wind of it long before he’d been pulled in for the official announcement. Iverson had seen to making sure he got a private discussion before the news went public but news traveled with the air.

 

He had shown no grief immediately, only the flicker of deep cutting pain that stabs swift and draws low in the gut, flickering across the eyes for only a moment. The look that invited numbness, but wouldn’t let it in because handling the pain was stronger and was what needed to be done. But it was a look that also invited self blame and regret in like a tide invites an ocean. Shiro was more prone to showing emotions on his features than Adam was, but even then he’d seen the pain clear as day. Iverson had seen it flash across many faces over the many years of his life. It never got easier. Perhaps the look on their faces being so identical wasn’t really odd at all…

 

“This way.” He said and moved to lead Shiro towards the memorial. Best to get closure before a large battle. 

 

* * *

 

“You still show too much emotion on your face” Adam chimed in a educational manner as he bent over some of the gears in the front of the aircraft, cleaning. Shiro, who had been letting his eyes carelessly wander over Adams triceps muscles, ripped his gaze away and rolled his lips innocently. “You mean the flight test earlier today? Uh, you do realize you’re the only one in the cockpit with me right?” He recovered quickly enough. Adam had always been the better of the two at keeping his face unreadably calm, although Shiro would argue he’d gotten much better at it himself. Well, better to everyone else except Adam who had the uncanny best-friend ability to read him like an open book. 

 

“It’s in your eyebrows, they furrow easily when you’re concerned, raise when your doubtful, and flatten when you’re concentrating or annoyed.” Adam explained, standing up straight and taking out a towel to wipe the grease from his hands as he went to push up the glasses on his face. Shiro flushed in kind and shrugged. “I feel you shouldn’t be looking at my eyebrows while flying…” It was an appropriate tease. The way he read him was exciting and sent electric shocks whizzing through him like a live wire. He wasn’t entirely sure if the look had always had that effect, but he was hard pressed to pinpoint a certain start date for these tingly emotions in any case. 

 

Shiro loved flying. He loved the Galaxy Garrison. And he was pretty sure he was now in love with Adam. Adam had been his first friend and companion since the beginning. They’d been like magnets, both harboring a deep passion for flying and space that could not be contained in the others presence. Shiro had helped him through his fear of being rejected because of his bad vision and thin stature with encouragement and optimism. Adam had taught him restraint, patience, and how to keep his face from being too readable- though how successfully that last lesson took root was currently up for debate. 

 

He had always enjoyed spending time with Adam. They got on well and he felt very comfortable especially after making the long move from home. Adam enjoyed him just as much, and they were mostly inseparable. They’d never discussed their sexual preferences, but Shiro had his own ideas as to what Adams preferences were. He hadn’t expected to fall for Adam, but there it was, plain as the grease now smudging the side of Adam’s cheek as he took off his glasses to examine them critically. Shiro was possessed by the urge to kiss him- yes, a new feeling, though more new in its recognition rather than its actual presence. Some part of Shiro was convinced that it had always been there. 

 

“Takashi…” 

 

Shiro blinked, realizing he had been spoken too- and the urge was successfully suppressed as he tried to figure out what had been asked of him. 

 

“Sorry, I missed that, say it again?” He asked, kicking himself for that less than smooth reply. 

 

“I said….” Adam began slowly, calculating just how much his best friend was actually listening. “Are you going on the Jupiter mission?” 

 

It was like Adam knew how desperate he was to stop thinking about him, so he found the one conversation that would immediately snap him to the present. Excitement twinkled in his eyes and he perked up like a kid at Christmas. 

 

“Only if you’re my co-pilot.” He explained. 

 

“Takashi, I have instructor training...” He sighed looking concerned for only a moment, but the twinkle was there in his eyes too and he smiled. “I guess….I can put it off for another couple months…you wouldn’t break any records without me” He teased, moving back to the plane after replacing his glasses firmly, getting yet more grease on his face. Shiro laughed and shrugged. “I wouldn’t even try without you. It’s no fun if you’re not there to see it with me….” 

 

“They asked you to be captain of the mission then?” Adam smiled, warmed by the happiness lighting Shiros face and, deeper down, the comment. Shiro nodded, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning into the plane a bit more. 

 

“I know there is a faster way to get there, and still be safe...but I think, well I don’t think I’ll be as confident in my decisions unless you’re there. You’re the only one I trust to tell me when I’m wrong- …which is one of the most  attractive things about you” 

 

Adam perked slightly at that, but kept working. He didn’t want to reply immediately. The silence towards his admission threw Shiro for a bit of a self conscious loop, which he dismissed. Instead, he decided to look out at one of the aircraft launches at the far end of the platform. If he gave the pause too much thought he’d for sure let it show on his features. The next time Adam spoke, he was more prepared for it, having not let his reverie go so deep as to muddy the present. 

 

“So….do you want to go on a date?” The voice was tinged with shyness, but was no less clear than if he had asked about the weather. 

 

Shiro’s eyes widened and he turned to stare at Adam. “What?” There was surprise on his face, but also blatant hope.He smiled at him, standing again to face him fully. If he wasn’t sure if Shiro liked him before, he was now- never mind how he felt about the situation.

 

“Are you free this weekend?”  Mentally scolding himself for letting Shiro butter him up with a smile, Adam had meant to be more pointed in the asking but found himself loaded down with self conscious reservations. He’d said date when he meant to say concert, though that might have been on purpose, which concerned Adam more than reservations.

 

“Ah…. -” Shiro stumbled to find a reply through the sudden onslaught of ideas and thoughts barraging his brain. There were so many possibilities, and he couldn’t believe what he had just heard. Of course his mind took off like the jets he flew and broke the coherent notions that usually kept his secret Adam obsession under wraps. Also concerning was the very sudden fear with how romance might escalate their close friendship dangerously- and while Shiro was never one to shy away from recklessness when called for he was not welcoming of this new feeling in the least. Caution was suddenly looking really appealing. 

 

Smashing that feeling down (Because new emotions were sent to the back of the line) he went to try replying but Adam beat him too it. 

 

“Don't think too hard Takashi, I mean just hang out...how about Saturday evening. There is a concert I’d like to see coming to town. Would you mind coming along?” 

 

And there went his heart, sinking in his chest. It wasn’t game over, but he’d definitely lost the turn. Now he wasn’t sure about Adams preferences- and all in a matter of seconds. And sudden interpretation moves to the front of the line, folks- giving way to motive crippling unease. Grumbling at his inner monologue, Shiro reminded himself to edit his features to a pleasant nonplussed appearance, though he wasn’t entirely sure about how successful it might be. It also occurred to Shiro that he had little to no knowledge about his friends taste in music. Sure he knew he wasn’t a fan of bluegrass and seemed to be tolerant of his J-rock, but as to what he actually liked? No clue. It wasn’t often he happened upon something he didn’t know about him…This new realization hit him in the stomach and he found himself pondering again. 

 

Adam felt a laugh bubble up in his stomach as he reached to pull the gear and shut the lid of the aircraft panel which Shiro moved to help with instinctively. They clapped their hands in unison and Adam stood back awkwardly, but waited patiently for the answer. 

 

“Sure, Saturday evening. I’ll be there. Who are we seeing?” Shiro asked lightly, his brows raising and thankful for a slightly less drastic conversation- he’d started reading into things too much after all. Adam smiled pointedly at him and threw him the towel as he went to bend down and pick up the tools. “Surprise.” 

 

“Who’s Surprise?” Shiro asked with confusion. Adam really laughed then, shaking his head. “No, it IS a surprise.” 

 

“Oh. Why?” Now curious and gaining back speed, Shiro finished wiping off his own relatively clean hands. Adam turned to grab the tool box from behind him and Shiro felt confidence sore in his chest. He’d thank his sexual frustration for that, Adam had a very nice backside- something Shiro secretly gave himself credit for helping to sculpt. He hastily looked back to Adams face who hadn’t seemed to notice the prying eyes. 

 

“Because you’ll say no otherwise.” Adam noted. “I’ll make dinner before- to make it up to you” He added apologetically, seeming self conscious. This gave Shiro a painful pang in his chest but he didn’t mention it immediately. Adam should never feel self conscious around him of all people… “Well, if you make dinner you can bribe me into about anything…” He laughed ruefully and began to use the towel to whip down the side of the panel where Adams fingers had gripped and left greasy smudges. 

 

Adam nodded thanks as he lifted up the box and prepared to head back inside, looking ready for a shower. “While I was well aware of this, its good to have you note it verbally. Allows me to take much more into consideration.” He teased right back, smiling again and running a hand through his hair. Shiro groaned and moved forward to stay his hand. The happy giddy feeling pounced right back in- woohoo this emotional roller coaster was taking him for a ride.

 

“Stop that, you’re getting grease all over!” He was happy he got the words out despite the shock that stung through him at the touch. He thought the air might be palpable at this moment and from the look on Adams face he felt it too. For a second they stood there staring at each other. Shiro winced, his wrist paining him at the most inopportune moment and cutting through the fog. Adam took his hand back in sudden worry. 

 

“Bothering you again?” He asked. “You should have that looked at…” 

 

Shiro smiled back but didn’t say anything...just looked into his eyes. Damn those dark eyes.  

 

Adam might as well be screaming in his own mind. Takashi was one of the most sought after men in the Garrison and while the oaf was blind to any of that, Adam was not. Since they’d hit puberty half a dozen eyes always strayed towards Takashi like hungry moths- thankfully mostly women. Still Shiro went on- oblivious. If he had twenty bucks for every time some girl asked him to help put in a word for her with Shiro, he’d be rich, especially after he broke that speed record. He’d let them all down gently enough, but he’d always vented to Adam about it later. Shiro hated making people upset. Adam wasn’t about to touch that sort of sticky situation with a ten foot pole. Still, he’d seen Shiro looking at him and he was no fool.

 

Ignoring the pride and excitement that those looks invited within himself, there were several reasons to account for as to why substantiating that look with any physical action (or verbal for that matter) would be a terrible idea. First, that they were co pilots and that they had a work ethic between them that should by all standards be maintained. No two pilots should date, it compromised everything with feelings. Second, Takashi was his friend and their friendship, while solid and comfortable, was by no means impervious to loves indiscretions. It would complicate matters greatly. Third, and of course most important, Adam knew Takashi loved space and flying more than he loved anything else in this world and Adam would never want to come between that. Not with any sensibility at least. That being said, none of those reasons kept him from considering the offer long enough to ask him out on a date. Thank god he had recovered quickly. Still, the thought of one night was appealing enough for him to run the pros and cons list over a couple more times before setting his feet in. 

 

Then, this. His hand caused an instant surge of ...something… inside him and he felt like he would be knocked flat. Part of him screamed to escape from the onslaught as there was no way in hell feelings like that were safe. The other part was busy garbaging up his well thought out lists and promptly tossing them out the window. Adam was not ignorant of the fact that their relationship had slowly been building up an addicting tension that he would have earlier attributed to puberty, had they not both been well grown into themselves by the time it started. 

He knew Takashi was into men, he’d known from the start. He was always so readable. Takashi had even tried dating another boy from tech with glasses, and Adam would never admit that he had gotten his glasses reframed to mirror the kids in hopes of catching his friends eye out of jealousy. Takashi hadn’t noticed. Furthermore, Adam had no experience in liking anyone. While he took notice of women, he’d always pushed romance out in favor of pursuing his goals and been content with that decision. They would stay bachelors forever, but together- a totally flawless plan. 

 

Then fate came around and decided to kick him in the ass the day Takashi and him were assigned to be co pilots and Adam found himself dancing happily back to his barracks due to his extreme fortune. Sure, it was fortunate because Takashi was one of the most skilled pilots- but that was definitely not the fortune that Adam had been praising. 

 

Despite this history, it suddenly felt like Adam was the one just now discovering who he was attracted to. The feeling made him feel oddly defensive. Then… the moment was over. Tensions still zinged in the air around them in every which direction, but now they both could breathe. Takashi pulled away and Adam looked at him in blinking confusion. For a long moment they stood there staring at each other and Adam realized it was his turn to make a sarcastic or snide remark. He was having difficulty with words right now. 

 

“Would you two kiss already…” a female voice popped up and Jenny stuck her head up glaring idly at the two from inside the cockpit where she’d been updating the specs of the flight system. While she was new to the science division of the Galaxy Garrison she was already a spit fire and was Adams shadow for the month while learning to be hands on with the planes. Shiro liked her a lot and thought her rather funny, though Adam had taken a shine to her which meant he treated her more like a little sister and less like a student. Adam wasn’t close enough to her for that sort of statement though, resulting in both men flushing brightly. 

 

“Excuse me?” Adam managed out in a sardonic tone, attempting boss like temperance. He was failing simply because his face was too red. Taking a mental note of the facial clarity game tally and adding one to his own score, Shiro stared at her and furrowed his brow more calmly. “I’m...not sure I follow…” He pointed out, also feigning innocence and doing better at it. 

 

Jenny snorted and rolled her eyes, moving back into the cockpit and back out of view. 

 

Adam looked to Shiro tentatively and found him looking back at him with the same look. The thought of complying had clearly crossed both of their minds- and the other definitely knew it.

 

“Here” Shiro said, taking up the towel. “You have grease on your face” He moved to push up Adams glasses and wipe away the grease in a swift movement. Adam felt his cheeks burn as he watched him, still grasping for any semblance of order and calm. The moment was over and Shiro stepped back, looking up at the cockpit. “Lets hit the showers and leave her to her work…” He offered - his facial expression added, ‘and to her fantasies’ 

 

Adam couldn’t say what happened in the following minutes as his mind raced but the next thing he knew they were standing in the locker room and Adam was standing under the hot water, grumbling to himself to- 

 

“Snap out of it, damn it Adam”

 

“Something wrong?” Shiro asked, moving over to stare at Adam with plain concern. He was clean so he didn’t need to shower, but was watching from over the railing by the lockers as he usually did. Adam shook himself and cleared his throat. “No…not exactly.” He explained, going to run shampoo through his hair and rinse with a flurry of motion. Shiro's brows raised at this, not believing it for a moment. 

 

“Did…you want to kiss me?” He asked, feeling the spurt of bravery. Leaving things unsaid would just make them both suffer- and while he knew the answer he did want to hear it. He needed to be certain. He wanted Adam to want to kiss him, and be upfront about it. Damn it this was moving fast all the sudden…

The question sent Adam into a fit of chest convulsing coughs as he swallowed soap and water in his responding gasp. Catching himself, he took in a breath and looked up at him. And there it was, the realization that perhaps it was time to bring the tension into words. Adam rinsed his hair and moved over to look at him with a grumpy look- although he hoped he was looking at him straight, everything was rather fuzzy around the edges without his glasses. 

 

“And if I said yes?” Adam asked back, though there wasn’t humor in his voice. It was a real question after all. 

 

“I’d let you.” Shiro replied just as honestly, his brows furrowed in concern. “Is there a reason you seem nervous about the answer? Did you think I’d reject you?” He asked, though it was said with a voice of understanding. Adam smiled then, realizing he was mimicking his own tone that he often used on him. 

 

“No, actually, I saw you looking” He pointed out plainly and leaned on the wall. “There’s a lot at stake here, and well...I didn’t want to get between you and your goals.” He explained. “So I'm hesitant to open that door…Takashi I’ve liked you for a while...but I’m not sure I’m ready to accept that. I’m sorry it came out this way...” 

 

Shiro felt his heart leap into his throat and his hands instinctively went to touch Adam's, needing to feel that surge of feeling that would give him confidence to argue. If anyone was under the impression that Shiro was the more stubborn of the two, they likely didn’t know the pair of them well. When Adam put his feet down, they were usually down. Still, Shiro had the hope that he hadn’t quite dug in yet on this topic. 

 

“What do you think our relationship is now? Adam, you’re already the most important person to me as a partner- I have nothing else to risk, because I’m already risking it. I want you with me. I want you there for every goal...and I want to be there for yours. I don’t want anyone else, and I know our friendship is strong enough to last whatever intimacy we might gain. But no matter what, I know wanting you there will never change.” He said seriously, bravely rubbing his thumb over Adam's hands in a comforting motion. They were wet and oddly cold despite the hot water. “I want you there for this mission, and I want you there every other time as well” 

 

Adam didn’t pull away, but was grateful his vision was blurry or he’d be having a hard time explaining why he couldn’t look him in the eye. Embarrassment flooded him, but behind that was a wave of admiration and giddy delight. Fucking Takashi -would be the only man in the galaxy able to hit home so quickly. Damn him, and his luck with pressing proverbial buttons. 

 

“So you like men?” SO LAME, and yes he already knew the answer- but that was all that came out of Adams exceptionally dry mouth.

 

“You knew that.” Takashi snorted, a smile crossing his face. “And …so do you?” 

 

Adam took his hands back and crossed them across his chest. “Love is love it doesn’t matter one way or another” He spoke it like a teacher giving a lecture on thermal dynamics. 

 

“That’s uh, not what I asked” Shiro snorted and raised a brow. God, he loved watching Adam get flustered. 

 

“I know that….” He replied but did not answer the question. There was a long and incredibly awkward silence following that. “I just….I need time” Never had Adam regretting his words more than he did in the split second after they left his mouth. 

 

Shiro straightened a bit, but nodded. It had to be Adam’s choice too. Adam had spent so much time repressing the emotions, he thought it might be harder to finally let himself feel them- if only to test the waters. It was easier than he thought. It was safe and warm and he wanted it. It was oddly liberating. He didn’t want to miss this chance because he really didn’t know if it would come back or not. 

 

“Well then…”  Adam breathed, still hesitant. He looked up, his eyes blinking to focus. Fine. they could try this...they could just try it….

 

Shiro felt his heart rise back up in his chest and his excitement bubble exponentially at that look...that warm smiling look. Even if nothing happened, at least this was in the open, they could get past it.

 

“Kiss me.” 

 

“What?” Shiro blinked, looking stunned- confused on what to do. Was this a test? Adam had just said-... 

 

“Never mind, I’ll do it…” Adam snorted, moving before reason caught up with him and moved to place a hand on Shiro’s cheek- mostly to steady him so he could find his lips and lessen the risk of a very unsexy head butt. Their lips met and Shiro pulled back slightly in reflex. Then his hands were up, cupping Adams face and Adam jerked back slightly as well. 

 

But that was it for the recoiling and very slowly they explored the feeling of each others lips. Soft, slightly chapped from the desert wind but warm and inviting. Shiro let his fingers run through Adams wet hair, the brown strands folding like warm chocolate over his knuckles. Adam hummed gently into the kiss, relaxing against the rail and pressing up over the ledge to get in closer. They did not go father than this, and yet this was enough to send electric currents down both their spines. Adams hands were, very suddenly, no longer cold. 

 

It felt like an eternity and yet too short, but they parted and stared at each other for a moment before both turning away with heated faces. 

 

“Do you need more time?” Shiro asked

 

Then...they began to laugh, both over taken by the general mirth accompanying love filled excitement and the general happiness of being alive.  

 

“Finally, ...idiots” Jenny said, walking back in an area clearly restricted to her-didn’t matter, neither one noticed her one bit. 

 

* * *

 

“Alive….” Adam repeated the words to himself, his eyes sore from being stuck open like a deer in the headlights. “Alive...Takashi is alive…” 

 

He’d already come to terms with the fact that his lover and best friend had died on the Kerberos mission. Had they fought before he left- sure, but he never once thought he would actually die before coming home. Of course, he’d been preparing for Takashi’s death since before the Kerberos mission- back when they’d found out about the disease in his arm. So this shock was no doubt greater than the initial one from that somber meeting with Iverson just a year earlier. 

 

In fact, his face was crumpled into a strained painting of disbelief. Anger welled up and quickly vanished, then regret which vanished just as quickly. All that was left was a crippling sense of relief and desire to see him again. Commander Holt was standing right there in front of him, and with his own eyes he’d seen Shiro alive….and well. 

 

Adam moved back a step and leaned against the wall, feeling heat flood into his system at almost a nauseating pace. 

 

“I’m sorry it took this long for me to tell you, Adam. I know you two are….” He paused, trying to be delicate as Samuel Holt wasn’t entirely sure where they’d left things before the mission. He’d known they’d fought- Shiro had told him. “Close” He ended finally. Adam nodded feeling enough of a slow in the onslaught of emotions and thoughts that he could start to make sense of the current situation. 

 

“How is he?” He asked, that was first- he had to know. The disease, it almost had him...it would take his arm and most likely his life. Hell, he should be starting to waste away by this point- almost. Adam was secretly devising a plan to steal a spacecraft when Sam answered. 

 

“He’s doing very well, all things considered. His time with the Galra ironically healed him of his previous ailments, but … he has a fake arm and couple of scars now. He seems to be taking it all in stride. Commanding Voltron is taxing work though…” The commander smiled at Adam as the other mans face relaxed more. He’d never seen so much emotion on Adams face in one sitting- though if he was honest he’d never really gotten the chance to know Adam well. Adam was in a different department than Shiro. Though they were both excellent and well known pilots- Shiro’s skills were what got him onto Holts team while Adam generally stuck to other missions. Of course, there were also their pilot races which had caused quite a stir at the Garrison. He’d only actually met Adam the times he and Shiro had gone to dinner or lunch and Adam had tagged along. Their relationship hadn’t been a secret either, but neither man had been open about it or let it interfere with work. 

 

All this information in one sentence was too much for him and Adam felt his body sink deeply into the wall behind him. There was a long silence, but Adam wasn’t about to let the commander go just yet. He needed answers. “Tell me about this Voltron…..why is he commanding it or them and ….the boys? Those boys are they with him?- I ….is this why he hasn’t come home yet? Is Keith with him?” He poured out, trying to sound calm. Keith, he hoped Keith was okay too...

 

Sam just smiled at him sadly and nodded. “The galaxy is at war with the Galra...it’s only a matter of time before they come here. We need to prepare. You’ll help Adam, won’t you?” 

 

Adam nodded. “Anything for the Garrison and Earth, of course.” He agreed and stood again, regaining his composure and soldier like stature. 

 

“He is coming back Adam, you’ll see...when this is over. They’ll come- but we can’t rely on them. We have to do what we can on our end.” Sam was looking him straight in the eye, and it wasn’t lost on Adam how much more serious this mission had become, how more important Shiro’s destiny had become. The anger about him not returning sooner died in his mind. Of course, Takashi wouldn’t come home when people needed him, when a galaxy needed him. Adam, even now, could never put himself between Takashi and that…

 

He’d wanted to save himself from unnecessary heartache by leaving Takashi before he went on that stupid mission. They’d fought about it over and over, and in the end he thought that by ending their relationship they both would be free to pursue their goals without hurting or holding the other. But it had still hurt, it hurt now- despite the waves of relief threatening to bring tears to his eyes. He couldn’t say if he was ready to jump into Takashi’s arms the moment he came back- there would be much to discuss. But he was proud of him, happy for him, and like him….he’d do his own duty and protect the Garrison, because to Adam- they came first also. 

 

“Hey, Teach…” James came around the corner and about fell over at the sight of Commander Holt. His mouth dropped open and Adam straightened up, falling into his cool collected demeanor. James stammered and stared, “So...you are back...the rumors are true” 

 

Commander Holt nodded, the private moment over, and looked to James with a determined smile. “I guess the news is out finally…” He looked to Adam and nodded again. “I’ll be off...you should get a debriefing later with all this information- I’ll see you there” He put a hand on his shoulder and gave it a reassuring grip before walking off. 

 

Adam watch him go for a moment then turned to James. “How can I help?” 

 

Right, his students would need him. 

 

The thought occurred to him a little later as he taught his afternoon class- that if this war was coming to them, no reunion was certain. But there was so much he wanted to say, words that never came to the surface when he first felt this way as he watched the Kerberos lift off. Words that took pain nurtured by loss to form. He knew he’d regret if they didn’t at least have the chance to make it outside of himself...he had things he needed to say to Takashi. 

 

So... he’d write a letter. And if the time came where communication was possible….he’d give it to Samuel Holt. He’d make sure, Shiro knew he was there waiting for him. 


	2. Things That People Say

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam prepares to meet Shiro again while Shiro searches for reconciliation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Definitely don’t own Voltron..AND THIS WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FROM SEASON 7 and possibly 8. Consider yourself warned. 
> 
> Note: Okay so I spent more time rewriting and refining these chapters than I initially meant to. I hope you enjoy them, but I’m trying a style thing,....so let's see if it works or just confuses everyone instead. Revived interest in posting this now that I finished season 8.

* * *

 

 

“This way Mr. Shirogane, you’ll be pleased the house is almost finished as designed. I’ve had the last couple of contracts filled out myself.”

 

Adam didn’t bother correcting her. He and Shiro weren’t actually married...yet, and they had actually had a rather large fight which never went resolved before he disappeared into space to die, come back to life and fight in another galaxy all while Adam helped Commander Holt and the Galaxy Garrison bolster their defenses. No, it was too long of a story anyhow and it was really his fault for not selling the under construction house they’d bought together after he found out Shiro had died. Well- fake died.

 

It wasn’t a huge house, or plot of land- and of course it was only a short distance from the Garrison, though tactfully out of view. A nice single story farm house just on the outskirts of the canyon passed the railroad tracks. Most importantly they had started fitting it to prep for Shiro’s impending battle with illness, as the apartments on base were not well equipped for that sort of thing. Besides, Shiro had said that when things got bad,he wouldn’t want to be reminded what fate was ripping from him. Adam just enjoyed a good view of the sunsets. So together, they’d decided this house was best. They’d bought it together with the intention of moving in after they got married anyway.

 

So….he decided not to correct her, even if he thought it unlikely she hadn’t heard about Shiro’s disastrous Kerberos mission. This train of thought brought a heavy sigh into Adams throat which struck just below his jaw as he moved into the entryway.

 

Regardless of what had happened and was happening, it was still here and so was Adam. He nodded kindly to nice real estate lady named Bethany, and turned back to the the living room of the house. “Ah, would it be too much trouble if I asked for some time alone? I promise I wont touch anything, I just want to er….invision”.

 

That could have come out sounding phenomenally less like he might be up to trouble, but it was his house already- technically. So, if he burned it down it wouldn’t be at anyone loss but his own, and the supposedly returning Takashi, Shirogane. These thoughts all clearly flitted across Bethany’s hazel eyes, forcing Adam to remind himself to breathe and relax lest he look more suspicious. When she had finished sizing up Adam as unlikely to be a problematic suspect she nodded and moved towards the door.

 

“Absolutely.”

 

She wanted to please as most sales people did. Looking around once herself with pride she stepped out the open door passed Adam and winked at him. Adam smiled, though a painful jolt ran through him at her kindness. She was proud of this house, and he couldn’t help feel that it was just an echo from the past gnawing at him. His emotions probably showed in crystal clarity across his features, and in his mind he repeated his own reprimands that he had often made to Takashi about his own readable expression.

 

It was an echo that recalled memories to the forefront of his mind, and it was the corresponding feelings he was trying to avoid when sitting down to write a letter that encompassed everything he wanted to say. No, he hadn’t come to burn the house down….but perhaps that might be easier then what he had set out to do.

 

As it so happened, his first attempt sitting back at their once-joint apartment did NOT go any easier. The writers block had run him through two pots of coffee and a bottle of beer before he’d scribbled, “See you soon” on a single piece of paper. As that wasn’t really something worth the trouble of getting Samuel Holt to transfer, he figured he needed to be more methodical about how he approached the cracking jar of emotions he currently suppressed. So he’d packed up his tools and gone to the one place he knew would force him to address them.

 

Sitting down at the counter in the kitchen, Adam took note of the superbly comfortable built-in barstool. He might have to keep this place just for the seating. Fearful of distraction, he quickly withdrew the pen and paper. Best to start the old fashion way.

 

‘Damn you Takashi, for not staying. These chairs are really comfortable...and we could have lived here four months ago...’

 

Adam snorted indignantly to himself and immediately crumpled the paper up. Now that he’d slept a couple nights on the fact Shiro was alive, it was hard not to go back to being angry at him. Though if he was really honest, that was not anger. To his mind anger was born in defence of one of two emotions; hurt or fear. His own anger derived from hurt, but now? Now he was just lonely and wanted him home. He was also afraid he would not come home. There was no telling who Takashi had become in space, and if they could rekindle their old spark.

 

Digging his thumbs into his temples, he muttered encouraging words to himself. He could do this, and he would do this, and in the end it would all be okay. No matter how it went, it would be okay. No matter the outcome, he would see Takashi again- of this he was sure. Not an especially godly man, Adam still believed in the afterlife at the very least. Braced with this idea which his anxiety prevented him from fully believing, he began to sift through his memories for inspiration.

 

The Saturday after they’d first kissed in the locker room, Takashi and he had gone together to a unique concert. Adam had eclectic tastes, and listened to just about anything he could get his hands on. He had recently gotten into a band who experimented on music from the long past called century vintage. Takashi had actually enjoyed the concert and they’d gone home to spend hours researching the original inspirations. Turns out, pre-WWIII music was pretty good.

 

It had been that night that Adam had finally grown comfortable with the idea of giving their romance a try. Oddly, this decision brought on no real change. It felt as if nothing had really happened at all actually. Well, except for the kissing. So much kissing. In the beginning it was an addiction, that was for sure. Takashi, once confident he was allowed to touch Adam, did little of anything else in their spare time.

 

Sighing deeply, Adam let his fingers run over his own lips in thought. He hadn’t realized he’d started tapping the pen on the counter, and didn’t stop even after the conscious thought crossed his mind.

 

Adam knew the morning after the concert that he wanted to marry Takashi. He’d only ever want to marry Takashi, and spend his life with him. If Adam got down to it though, he’d also known Takashi would always choose space above him….that was why he’d shied away. He’d known, it had been no surprise, and THAT was what had hurt the most. Adam had been foolish to want to step between that. It was one of the best things about the man he loved...and in the end, even now, he was just grateful that he shared as much of Takashi’s life as he had.

 

Jesus, he missed him. Dark eyes moved over to the floor for a moment, and then back up to the window where the sun continued to filter in- creating clear cut rays that might as well be tangible. Reaching out, he managed to run his fingers through the warm spots, feeling their warming effect through his whole body.

 

The rest of his memories seemed to hide, refusing to rise to the surface and play fully. He was alone in this empty house.

 

“Takashi you idiot….this wasn’t how it was supposed to be.” He grimaced and turned back to the paper with a weary glance. “We weren’t supposed to be a what if, I shouldn’t be here wishing I was making more memories instead of trying to reach the old ones. That’s why I didn’t want to wait...I wanted to avoid this. But I’m here anyway....”

 

If Takashi got back, and they both were able to resolve their difference it still wouldn’t be what it should have been. But life rarely dealt in should haves anyway…

 

“I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to wait for you...you know, it’s ironic...it still hurt just as badly. Perhaps more? I saved myself nothing, and even lost what little time I had with you.”

 

His eyes flitted to the kitchen - An open floor plan with an old fashioned island in the middle, checkered tile floors, and cheesy cabinets to match. Takashi had complained that Adam needed to embrace a more modern style, but had relented to his quirky floor choice. This was where he’d envisioned teaching Takashi to cook and bake properly. He’d have put the silverware in the third drawer from the left, and they’d have a large fridge because Takashi liked midnight snacks and left overs. Adam would have cooked every night...then they could have gone up and star gazed...

 

“But this way you have your beloved space, and you have your life back- so says Commander Holt. You aren’t held back by me, or any stupid disease. You know, I blame that for throwing a wrench into what could have been? But mostly...I blame me.” He spoke to the room as if Takashi were there listening. Words rose in his throat like painful clumps of glass, threatening a dangerous onslaught of uncontrollable sobs.  

 

“Ugh, damnit Adam...this was not why we came here….” He shook his head furiously and pushed up his glasses. Clearing his throat, he tried again and moved his eyes back to the paper with determination. “You don’t know how anything will turn out… enough of the past and what if’s….”

 

Taking a deep breathe in, he shoved the surge of emotions into the confined walls of his resolve.

 

“So what do I say?” He asked, tapping the pen to his chin. “If he were right in front of me now….what would I say?”

 

And then he put the pen tip down and began to write.

* * *

 

 

“ACHOOO” The vibrations of the sneeze shook them both causing Shiro to sit bolt upright next to the shivering mountain of sheets.

 

“That’s it, Adam you’re taking the cold medicine.” Shiro wasn’t going to have any of Adams rebuttals or excuses either.

 

Adam grabbed a tissue from the box and pulled his hand back into the plush sanctuary of his bedding cocoon, opting to ignore the declaration. The mattress shifted with the obvious movement of Shiro’s arms as they folded across his chest.

 

“Im fine, go back to sleep, you have a big day tomorrow” Adams rasping voice sounded finally once it was evident Shiro was not going back to sleep until he got some sort of verbal reply from his lover. It not being the acceptable answer however, Shiro cleared his throat menacingly and reached for a hand full of fabric with the intent of ripping it off of Adam to assess the viral or possibly bacterial damage.

 

“You don’t sound fine, and how can I possibly sleep through this? You’ll compromise me, everyone and more importantly yourself less if you take medicine.”

 

Adam, who notoriously despised admitting to being ill, similarly loathed taking medicine to fix the problem. It was perhaps the oddest thing about him. A vicious cycle of denial and stubbornness that only ever seemed to make him feel worse and inspire pity from his fellow pilots. To put it shortly, Adam was a downright terrible sick person. Shiro had learned this very early on in their friendship and had never forgotten it.

 

Clammy hands provided surprisingly strong resistance on the sheets and Shiro was forced to take the other route under the covers. Sliding his hand with practiced precision (and a very familiar working knowledge of Adams body), his fingers found his heated temple with ease. The sick pilot leaned into the warmth like a moth to flame before he could stop himself, and a violent shiver ripped through them both.

 

“Uh-huh….you’re fine alright. At least 101 fine…. did you miss the flu shot….?”

 

A grumble sound turned into a choking cough, and Adam went silent for a long moment.

 

“No” He finally replied, sighing in resignation. Shiro noticed the strain on the single word and sighed also. “It’s the strep throat again huh? You think they’d remove your tonsils by this point with how many times you’ve had it” He explained moving over to comfort Adam gently. Adam had caught strep throat once every two years, almost without fail. Sometimes, he caught it three years in a row. He hadn’t had it last year, which meant he was probably due for another bout of it.

 

The fevered pilot turned and curled into Shiros side, his muscles tense from the shivering. Then as if remembering the fact that Shiro did in fact have an important test the following day, threw himself to the opposite edge of the bed. “I’ll go sleep in the living room”. The sound his voice made against his throat made Shiro cringe. It sounded downright painful and he regretted having stuck a particular part of his own anatomy down Adams throat a week prior. Despite the obvious concern of spreading germs, he also felt slightly guilty.

 

The two had started sleeping in the same bed two months into their relationship- though actual sex had happened only about a week after they first made their relationship official. It’d been a fun night sitting on the couch, trying to figure it out, and having to eventually resort to internet porn for education. It’d been hilarious and yet magical. Talk about fast moving relationship- though it didn’t feel like that. They’d been together for a year now.

 

“No.” Shiro snorted and moved to stand. “You need rest to get better, which you can’t do if you cough yourself awake every hour”

 

“I can sleep in the bed when you leave tomorrow” Adam chimed in grumpily, pulling tissues into his hidey hole again.

 

“Come on, open up the nest, lets not spill this on the bed” Shiro announced after rifling around for the cold medicine. Adam, luckily a clean freak, slowly emerged from the cocoon and sat up. He shot the medicine a menacing glower as Shiro returned with a spoonful. The young pilot temporarily stayed his hand. Sweat marked Adams skin which was a sickly greyish color compared to his normal warm brown tan complexion. His eyes were red and his hair was sticking to his face like seaweed. Concern bolstered his confidence and Shiro shoved the vial smelling liquid into Adams hand.

 

Fever. No mistaking it. Adam swooned gently and Shiro’s strong hands rushed out to stabilize him, gently laying him back against the pillow as he began to shiver again. Dazed, Adam took in Shiro’s concerned expression and deepened his own frown.

 

“I dont have chicken pox do I?” He breathed out, exhausted.

 

“No...you got vaccinated for that and chicken pox doesn’t make your throat hurt. At least, I don’t think it does. You do have a really high fever…..I’m going to get you some dry clothes and more medicine.” Shiro moved to stand, but Adam reached out and put a hand over his, shaking his head.

 

“Stay…..”

 

Pausing, Shiro felt a smile warm his features as he flipped his hand in the grasp to hold Adams gently. “I’ll be right back….I’m just getting you a fresh shirt and some pain meds- possibly some warm salt water to gurgle…” He explained more softly.

 

“Stay.” Adam demanded, lifting his head with a dark look. Shiro biting his lip and trying not to laugh, settled back in next to him.

 

“Adam, all of that will help you feel more comfortable.” Shiro persisted. Adam sighed and scooted to a sitting position.

 

“I know.” Adam, who usually gave in if decent logic was used, let out a small sigh and let go of Shiro’s hand. Moving his hands up to pull his sweat soaked shirt over his head, he noted that Shiro still had yet to get up from the bed himself. Appraising, Shiro leaned in and smiled at him. Taking care not to kiss him on the lips, he moved to peck his neck gently and then stood to acquire the aforementioned objects. For his part, Adam took the time to watch him move across the room and into the bathroom. He enjoyed the way Shiro held himself, and he wouldn’t lie to himself- he was happy. This made him swell with happiness. This could be their life. Happiness could be their life.

 

Shiro returned a moment later with an arm full of effects that had Adam shrinking back beneath the covers. “Takashi, you didn’t need to bring the whole medicine cabinet”

 

“Well, I wasn’t sure, this could all be helpful so I just brought it all.” He set down the bundle on the bed and withdrew the new shirt and a cool towel, handing it to Adam. Still feverish, Adam took them and began to pat himself down efficiently, before swooning again as he reached for the shirt.

 

“I’ll be fine, I always am- you really should rest” He tactfully brought the cool towel back to his temple to hide the fact he was bracing himself. This really was a nuisance -being ill.

 

“Look, the sooner you get this clean shirt on and the other medication in you I’ll stop worrying and go to sleep- how about that?” Shiro offered as Adam slid gently to lean against his shoulder. Man, he really was warm.

 

“Marry me, Takashi” Adam breathed.

 

“What?” Shiro hadn’t been expecting that.

 

“Marry me, Takashi. Promise me till death do us part.” Adam didn’t lift his head, but his scratchy words came out resolute.

 

Worried about the effects of the fever, especially with how careful Adam usually was, Shiro leaned over to put a hand on his forehead again. “Adam...listen to yourself. You are definitely fevered” He responded hurriedly. This was sudden, and he wasn’t sure if he enjoyed this joke because it would never be a joke to him. He’d considered asking Adam to marry him multiple times...

 

“Takashi?” Adam replied sternly and Shiro stiffened slightly. “Is that a no?” Adam continued.

 

There was a long pause, and then finally a breathless sigh from Shiro.

 

“Of course it’s a no.” Shiro replied, the smile returning to his features.

 

“Oh…” Adam said, taking his forehead off his lovers shoulder and moving towards the spare shirt again. Shiro stopped him, holding his hand- because Adam wasn’t holding the gaze.

 

“I’m not saying no to us, Adam” He needed to get his emotions back down from a skyscraper height. He never usually expected Adam to be the one to nail shock value so expertly- but here it was for the second time in their lives. He did love it and,...he loved him.

 

Adam’s gaze lifted and he nodded. “Yeah I know, it was sudden…Sorry, I just had a moment.” He explained, though he couldn’t tell if it was the sickness ravaging his insides right now or a sudden surge of negative, self conscious emotion.

 

“You should be, that was a horrible proposal.” Shiro was still smiling at him, and when Adam noticed this he too smiled back. “I expect a nice dinner date before you ever utter those words again. Well...maybe, or something more well thought out.” Shiro turned as if to think about acceptable proposal scenarios further.

Adam was staring at him blankly. At least the fuzziness in his brain was definitely the sickness, otherwise he’d have a great come back right about now.

 

“I want to be with you. I love you and I don’t think that will ever change. I never give anything I put my mind too less than my best effort, and I won’t be different for us….I know you’re sick right now, but once you’re better let’s discuss this seriously because, Adam, I’m ready and I’m willing.” Shiro smiled brightly. “It’s not a discussion that needs to happen right now, and I’m not going anywhere tonight. I can’t promise I won’t leave for my test tomorrow...but for tonight? I’m here.”

 

Now it was Adam’s turn to reply, but all he found himself doing was prolonging silence. Finally he smiled and leaned back in, taking in Shiro’s sent. “I’m a horrible sick person…” He finally admitted.

 

“I won’t lie, you’re pretty bad. I still love you though” Shiro patted his back reassuringly. “Seriously, next time you had better have that fancy ring ready, or who knows maybe I’ll beat you to it.”

 

“If you propose to me…” Adam teased, leaning further into his boyfriend's chest. “A sunset wouldn’t hurt your cause”

 

* * *

 

He’d left flowers by his placard. He’d told Keith, and spoken more with Veronica and Sam. Keith’s eyes had filled with instant remorse.

“I’m so sorry, Shiro. I know what he meant to you.”

 

Shiro couldn’t help but inwardly scoff. Important, indeed. He’d left him behind for a need for space. He wouldn’t take back the decision, but he would be lying if he said he didn’t regret how it had gone down between them.

 

Veronica, who’d worked under Adam as his TA had offered a little more. “Oh Shiro. I thought that...well I thought you two had broken up. You have to know that, he was so happy when he heard you were alive. He tore a new one at Admiral Sanda for not telling him the moment you’d landed on the unidentified flying craft- ah...well...she said because you two weren’t married yet that he had no right to know and since you immediately left again...well……. Shiro, I’m so sorry. We all miss him. I can’t imagine what it means to you.”

 

“Thanks Veronica” Shiro had replied, smiling to her. Oh if only Adam could see him now-  he’d probably make a smart remark about how his expression control had improved.

  


“When I first got out of quarantine,” Sam explained “I went to give out the messages you Paladins gave me. I gave him your message, that you were alive and you were coming home once you knew the galaxy was safe. If he’d moved on at all since you were gone, I would never have guessed. He asked me about everything I knew about your fight with Voltron, and seemed like he might pass out when I told him about your arm. A few weeks after we talked he asked me if I’d be willing to give you a letter should communication ever reopen between us and the situation wasn’t dire”

 

“A letter? Did he ever give it to you?” Shiro asked, surprised. Adam wasn’t usually good at writing, and it certainly wasn’t something he did off hand. If there was a letter, Adam had something else to say, and that was something Shiro wanted to hear. Despite it all, he missed him. And now with the final fight over, Shiro had the proper time to mourn him. This was something he needed to close for himself and his own healing process.

 

“No.”

 

It was like a shattering window in his heart. First his death, and now this. If ever Shiro wished for a wormhole through time, this was it.

 

Sam, however, continued. “He never brought it up again, I think things on the base got so busy with the building of the Atlas. I don’t think he had time to write before he was sent into the sky.” turning to Shiro, he put a hand on his shoulder. “But if I knew Adam, he at least had a couple drafts going in the apartment and didn’t want to bother you. Like you...he valued the mission above everything, except probably you.”

 

That was the conversation that had lead him to their dusty and abandoned apartment. In the years since Shiro had left, Adam had changed little. Immediately following Adam’s decision to end their relationship if Shiro went to space, Shiro had tried to change Adam’s mind. The two had fought in this room, and they both agreed mutually to end it when they couldn’t come to terms with the other’s decision. It had been a decision of emotion on both sides- and sadly with very little logic.

 

“Takashi, why do you need this? Why? I don’t understand it, so please...please explain it to me?” Adam had asked the night before the mission launch. “Is it the illness? Or is it something else?”

 

“No, Adam, you’re not listening”

 

The words seemed to echo off the walls around as Shiro moved into the room. Their last conversation still hung in the air, fading and distant, but still there. Sitting, Shiro closed his eyes and let out a soft sigh, focusing on the memory.

 

“This mission means the world to me, I am going. Why can’t you see that?” He asked back. “I thought you of all people would support me on this” it had been a low stab, but a direct one.

 

Adam in general was a pacifist and didn’t like engaging in arguments without logical facts to back him up, but this one was too personal and Adam had dug his feet in. Shiro supposed he should be flattered.

 

“Takashi, I have supported you through every single mission and challenge you have faced. But I don’t believe this is the right way to cope with your condition- continuing to challenge it as if it’s not there. You could jeopardize this mission and that’s just not you…you’ve always made the right choice for the good of the mission.”

 

“I am what’s good for this mission, or don’t you have faith in me?”

 

“I have the most faith in you, faith that if you make it back from this mission- you’ll go again and again until something really does happen and you die out in space leaving me here all alone.”

 

“That wont happen.”

 

“It will. It will, one day and you’re trying to run away. This mission is you running….Takashi I can’t keep running with you anymore.”

 

“Adam, this isn’t about you.”

 

“Isn’t it? Is everything else between us just words until the next big mission? I said, what I said….if you go up there tomorrow, do not expect me to be here when you get back.”

 

The words echo faded into the darker corners of the abode and Shiro lifted his head, running a firm hand down the length of his face. It felt like so long ago, and yet the emotions were fresh. But he had experience now with which to evaluate that conversation. What did they say? Hindsight is 20/20?  He couldn’t see anything but Adam’s selfishness before, him being needy and clingy. Him being unsupportive.

 

But the thought had dawned on him…

 

In the entire time he’d been away he had hardly considered Adam’s own desires. Sure there had been nights, many while he was in Galra custody in fact, that he’d thought of him. He’d thought of him almost every day- but never once had he really considered him. It’s always been a passing thought, something he could easily shove aside in favor of the greater good. He wasn’t wrong to put the galaxy first, but he at least understood now why Adam no longer wanted to compete with that. No matter how he looked at it, Adam had never been a selfish person...and the one thing he’d chosen to be selfish about was Shiro, himself. But Shiro hadn’t even let him have that.

 

He’d promised never to leave….so Adam had done it for him.

 

“Oh Adam,....I’m so sorry.”

 

Dark eyes lifted to look at the photo of them on the shelf -the day they’d passed their pilots exam…

 

They’d been so happy before they found out about his illness, and in some ways he had blamed that for getting between them...but that probably wasn’t fair. To them, or their “us”. It was safe to say they just...hadn’t quite worked out. Shiro had left behind all their plans together for something he needed himself, and if he was honest now he probably owed Adam props for not leaving sooner. Shiro too, had been selfish.

 

Something glinted next to the frame, causing his thoughts to come to a halt. Shiro stood and moved towards the frame curiously moving it aside. Pulling out the small silver key his eyes went wide in shock.

 

“No way…” He breathed, the room suddenly snapping back into the current time and reality as the past ghosts vanished.

 

“Adam, you’re there, aren’t you?”


	3. Beauty Born of Ashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its rare, but sometimes there is closure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I dont own Voltron. 
> 
> I might write a bonus chapter...but at least this is the end of my three part story. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE let me know what you think. I am trying to get better every day, so all feedback is appreciated.

* * *

* * *

 

 

“You told me before the battle, so what about him?” Keith asked, looking at Shiro from his spot resting against the hospital pillows where a nurse finished checking his chart and briskly walked away.

 

Shiro watched her for a moment, then turned back to Keith was a soft smile. Scooting forward an opened letter over the sheets with his mechanical arm, Shiro leaned back and shrugged. 

 

“He left me that. You know the house we bought together? Apparently they finished building it and half of it was actually still standing when I went out there to check it out. Luckily, I found this in the salvageable half.” He explained, his eyes carefully avoiding the folded paper which had turned orange and grey from the abundance of ash and age. 

 

“Adam did? But he hated writing” Keith said, reaching tentatively for the paper as though he wasn’t quite allowed to touch it yet. 

 

He’d met Adam on a few occasions with Shiro and hadn’t initially cared about him one way or the other. Of course, he’d immediately respected him- if any person could get Shiro to look at him the way he did with Adam, he was worthy of that respect. He’d been sorry for their disagreements before Shiro had left. It’d been hard on both of them. 

 

“Go ahead, read it…” Shiro offered. “It’s nothing super secret or personal, don’t worry” Shiro attempted a tease, but it fell flat. Keith smiled, glad to see him trying, and reached for the letter to pick it up. “I’d say it’s personal, he took the time to write to you.” He snorted and unfolded the paper gently, but after a second set it back down on his lap. 

 

“Shiro, should I really be reading this?” His eyes searched Shiro’s face for the meaning of having him read the letter. Shiro, for his part, gave nothing away about his intentions.

 

“…..You know, when they announced you had died? Back on Kerberos?” Keith wasn’t sure this was the right time to bring this up, but he suddenly felt the need to protect Adam. To defend him- even if at the time he’d called him a selfish and needy prick. 

 

“Yeah, you uh….you got kicked out of the Garrison, right?” Shiro asked, confused. He wasn’t sure about the point, and he knew for a fact he and Keith had never discussed this before. But he would be lying if he said he didn’t want to know why he was bringing it up…

 

“Yeah, but before that…when the news first broke? Well, I didn’t first hear it on the television. I heard you’d gone missing from Adam. He had come into class looking like he might fall over, and asked to see me. He said he knew how important I was to you and that he thought he owed it to you to break the news to me before I heard it elsewhere. He’d resolved himself to come tell me, and offered to talk if I needed anyone. I was mad at him, thought he was just doing it to prove a point but….

 

“Well looking back I can see that he was devastated. Maybe he was looking for someone to talk to. I couldn’t see if then, I was so stunned and shocked at the idea of losing yet another important person in my life….I er...I didn’t think much about him.  See I know you two broke it off before you left but, I dont think his heart was in that at all. He ...he really cared about you. I think he was hurting more than anyone gave him credit for, you could never really tell. He was good at keep his expression hidden. I wish I’d seen it then. I don’t know, I guess I feel like he wasn’t such a bad guy, you know?…” Keith’s eyes cast downward to his hands were they rested, cradling the letter. 

 

Shiro’s expression had gone from shock to a gentle smile. Their was hurt, but also gratitude in his eyes- and just a slight twinkle of mischief. 

 

“Read it, Keith.” 

 

Keith, confused, looked down and pulled out the fragile looking paper, unfolded it, and began to read; 

 

“Takashi, 

 

I guess I’ll start by saying I’m glad you’re okay, and I know I don’t have to impress upon you the importance of keeping those kids (Lance, Hunk, Pidge, and especially Keith) from trouble. I hear you are the head pilot(- or was it paladin?) of this weapon called Voltron and that it’s something extraordinary, according to Samuel Holt. Takashi, I am so proud of you. 

 

I was wrong to want to keep you from your dream, because it would not have amounted to the phenomenal adventure it is now. If I’d known back in our tiny apartment that this mission would be one built to save the universe, I’d have shut my mouth and watched you go without another argument. 

 

That’s the problem though isn’t it? We didn’t know. We both prized the mission, we both prized space, and we prized each other. It would have taken this scale of a mission for me to get past my worry and fears so easily. I was wrong to think there wasn’t enough room in your heart for all three. I was wrong to think you wouldn’t find your way back to me as you always did and that I was strong enough to wait and still pursue my own dreams as well. I was selfish to think you’d ever choose me and be content despite knowing the day we first kissed that you would always choose the mission as I would. It was not my job to make you happy, nor was it your job to make me happy. Rather, it was our duty to each other to support the other in finding what makes us happy and should you come back home before this letter is necessary I fully intent to burn it and tell you this all in person. But, as you are reading this…. I’ll assume I’m no longer with you, and that I (by no intention of my own) have kept my promise. I was not here when you returned. 

 

That's really the only way I’m getting through writing this… 

 

Right now we are working on plans for our own giant spaceship (They’re calling it the Dairugger, but commander Iverson is trying for something simpler like Atlus), one which one day I hope will take me back into our beloved space and to see you again. I’m rather excited about flying some of the updated MFEs we’ve already made, and just so you are very clearly aware- I broke your spin record while you were gone. This is my revenge.” 

 

Pausing to snort, Keith moved to turn over the page, looking up to Shiro who was staring off into a corner of the room and smiling...listening as if Adam himself were the one speaking and not Keith.

 

“But I wonder where you are right now as I write this, and if I ever cross your mind. I wonder where you are when you finally read this, and if you’re with Keith. Perhaps, if selfishly, you think to keep him close for comfort in knowing I am gone. I knew you two to be as close as brothers, and I think I’m envious that he is flying with you now and not myself. We could have had so much more time together. We had so many plans and I would trade them all now in a heartbeat if it meant being there to fight by your side directly. I wasn’t willing to throw them away before, and it has cost me that many more moments in your company. I miss you every single day. 

 

The point is, there must be a reason it turned out this way. I could scream ‘why’ all day and never understand the answer. But at the end of the day, you’re off saving the Galaxy and I am here preparing for an impending war- and we are no longer together. 

 

So, with that in mind, I return the house to your name so that you may use it or sell it if you wish. (Take the barstools- they’re comfy.) And I return the engagement ring you bought me- not to be cliche, and my intention isn’t to impede on any future relationship you might engage in by putting forth my constant memory. Instead, I want to return it with the idea that you think of it as my blessing. I wanted your happiness above all else. It was my mistake realizing too late that this mission is probably bringing you more happiness than I could have. But grant me one last selfish request? Its okay if you don’t, I’ll never know...but if you could, wear it yourself. Wear it to remind yourself thats its okay to pursue your dreams, to fulfill the mission, and to love all equally and at the same time. To remind yourself that I believe you do all of that every day, and that I pray one day we can rebuild ‘us’ with that understanding and you’ll return this ring. Or instead, if I am gone, as a reminder that I want you to move on and give someone else the gift of your companionship, as I was so blessed to have for the time that I did. 

 

You were my best friend. You were the love of my life. You were my universe. 

 

I love you, Takashi. Thank you. 

 

-Adam.” 

 

* * *

 

You’d never guess him not to be a morning person, but Adam always enjoyed sleeping in on their days off. Shiro smiled at the sleeping face beside him, his eyes moving down to the left hand and the silver ring upon it. Last night they’d made love, and Shiro had watched that same angelic face contort in pleasure as he rocked him gently into the plush oblivion. It might have been their billionth time since being together after three years, but last night had been different. Sadness had tinted their movements.

 

Each piece of clothing had been removed with care, each taking note of how a simple pull of the sleeve caused the muscles to ripple with anticipation. Adam had taken particular care to not force weight on Shiro’s arm- a new trait, freshly gained that day. They hadn’t spoken a word since getting home, and had hardly stopped touching. 

 

Early in the day, Shiro had gone to the doctors for his test results with Adam in tow. They’d received bad news. 

 

“Thank you, Doctor” Adam said automatically, his expression breaking by the time he sat down next to Takashi who looked over with an equally devastated expression. Quietly their hands moved to take each others, and Adam squeezed gently. 

 

“I understand if…” Shiro’s voice came out a bit choked, but he sounded coherent. 

 

“Don’t do that….don’t you dare.” Adam snapped, composure lost in a rare display for him. 

 

“Don’t do what?” He turned with surprise, feeling reality come slowly back into frame.

 

* * *

* * *

 

 

“I’m not leaving.” Adam lifted his head and his eyes were large and round with impending tears. 

 

“You can still fly for a time, you can still live your dreams and if we do the treatment we can get you more time. I know you’re scared but it’s going to be okay!” Adam was practically shouting and Shiro moved forward to capture his lips, if only to make him stop. 

 

Sitting back, the ace pilot looked into those sad brown hues and stared for one long moment. 

 

“I’m sorry.” Adam said, looking down at his lap. 

 

“It’s alright. Hey...hey look at me, it’s going to be alright. You’re right, I am scared...but I promise I won’t push you away.” 

“Careful…” Adam snorted, trying to laugh but falling shot. “You’ll jinx it….” 

 

For a long moment they sat together, holding their hands together tightly. Shiros expression had gone back to glum as they sat there like children bound for the boogie man. Adam, back in his senses, looked over to Shiro and smiled at him. 

 

“With or without me, if anyone can get over this it would be you Takashi. I believe in that” He said gently. “Whether you want me or not, I intend to be there for you. You won’t be alone...I want you to know that. You’re never alone.” 

 

Shiro nodded numbly and smiled back at him. 

 

“This will take away my flying…” 

 

Adam nodded softly, his thumb rubbing over the back of his lovers knuckles. 

 

“We’ll figure this out…...together.” Adam had replied resolutely.  

 

Sunlight filtered gently over Adams tanned skin. They’d decided to do this together, and Shiro knew they would. Of course he was scared for himself, and distraught over the deadline on his dreams. But he could see that Adam was scared too, scared of losing him, of being pushed away. His lover was frustrated for Shiro, for the loss of a dream they both shared. It was in his nature to want to comfort him, and Adam had let him in the car ride home. 

 

But if their love making session had told him anything, it was that this would challenge them both. 

 

Laying together now, he wondered if it was best to end it. But Adam had been plain, he wasn’t leaving regardless. It was both a comfort and a sorrow, and nothing about this was easy. 

 

“Takashi?” Adam murmured, his eyes opening and turning to look at him.  “Is everything alright” 

 

Shiro smiled at him and nodded. “Yeah...go back to sleep….”

 

“No, I’m awake” Adam yawned and sat up, turning to face Shiro with a grumpy look. “My ass hurts.” He stated bluntly. 

 

Shiro broke out into a laugh and shook his head. “Hey that was your decision.” Adam, smiling as he watch Shiro’s face shrugged. “No, we didn’t speak, it was the mind melding powers of the universe. I’ll blame that…” Adam offered and stretched his arms over his knees. Shiro had a thought about the universe….how could it possibly turn fate so cruel for him. He supposed it was just his luck had run out, and came at a price. He had set a lot of records and was the youngest pilot….certainly the payment had just come due. 

“Hey...whats on your mind?” Adam asked, breaking through the cloud of thoughts. 

 

Shiro looked over and smiled. “I’m not sure I should blame the universe….perhaps its fair” 

 

Adam’s eyes narrowed slightly, but he nodded. “Who said the universe was fair?” He offered gently, going to grab his glasses from the bedside table. 

 

“Takashi, this is just another challenge for you to handle. Another storm to weather- the weather doesn’t discriminate, it just happens…..you’ll sail through. The universe has already provided you with the chances for greatness and you’ve taken them all. I’ll bet this isn’t the last.” 

 

Shiro smiled and Adam did too. “Patience yields focus, Takashi…” 

 

* * *

 

“Initiate Base Protocol, Beta-5” 

 

“You heard the man, we’re up.” 

 

Adam felt the breathe press against the inside of his collar bones as his eyes took in the site of the giant black and purple ships. This was it. Takashi was out there somewhere defending the universe, today was his turn to do the same. There was no doubt in his mind, that one way or another, he’d see him soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...I might do a bonus chapter.

**Author's Note:**

> Concluding Note: This is a three part story, so...I hope you enjoyed part 1. Let me know what you think.


End file.
